a part of me died

I never thought a day like this would arrive, after all, being accustomed to constant denial of happiness was pretty much routine. But it did, even though it lasted while it lasted, I basked in the mere satisfaction that for once i wasn't forgotten, i got my shot at being slightly contented with my wretched life.

I tried, I tried, I tried, but failed so miserably and that made my existence insignificant. Friends were there to drag my lifeless, wearied body, only to make myself suffer more abuse which was pleasingly satisfying.

It didn't matter how long the time was, the impact was strong, perhaps the lack of substantial elements to warm the heart can make a sane man insane. Without anything to offer, he's just like a fortune's fool finding a place that he can be accepted.

I wonder, sometimes, is there more to life than what it is as we know it ? What if in the end its all for nothing ? a null, a void, a disconsolateness prospect ? Would I still want to carry on ? Perhaps its that defining moment we're looking for, a life changing event that would shake even the strong willed to their very core. Is accepting and embracing what destiny holds for us the answer ? or is it merely all a lie that we choose to believe, deciving ourselves that there is more to life than it is now ?

Though mildly irrational, I try to move on, but get stuck in an array of traps not even set up yet. A part of me dies everytime i attempt to wake myself from this discontent. I'm pretty messed up eh ?