self-reflecting

Its been a while since i've spent my saturday night at home, my usual bros are occupied for the night, Jason at Butterfactory, Pork dinner with tty and eezhong, Roy's pretty much stuck at home. I thought if sms-ing the nurse out for a chat, even thought of asking raula for drinks. I guess they'd be busy anyway. Perhaps half-decivingly telling myself that. Anyway, i've decided to stay home, take a step back to reflect on my life so far. Some dramatic changes recently.

1) I've been drinking too much - Drinking almost everyday for the past week, pretty bad. Pork did mention about this problem, saying that the reason why he doesn't hang out is because of the activities that we do - drinking. I'd thought there'd be compromises made but apparently weekend after weekend, it seems like i've lost a good bro, he hangs out with a milder crowd now, which is more suited to his lifestyle. I'm not sore about it, thats where the problem's at. I should feel shitty but i don't. I think i'm losing control of my life.

2) Getting poorer - Money Money Money, pay for drinks, loans, bills, and insurance.

3) Losing direction - I'm stuck in this place, whereby i've lost all sense of direction. What do i want in life ? What am I doing with my life now ? What can i look forward to ?

I see this boy, sitting in a corner, watching people pass by, making it good with their lives, moving by in their fast cars and their loving girlfriends. Then the boy looks down at the puddle infront of him, it reflects him, facing the world on his own, looking tired, lost and in a total wreck. Then the boy looks straight up at me into my eyes, and then i realise, i've been looking at me all this while.